Being and Nothingness

WARNING: THIS POST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH JEAN PAUL SATRE. OR PHILOSOPHY AT ALL.

Ms. Stewart said in class if we finish our work, we should have something to occupy our time with, rather than just sitting there doing nothing. She can't seem to comprehend how you can actually have nothing to do. Her being a teacher, and watching my mom work, I can see where she's coming from. But she also mentioned that she knows there are days when you just have to do nothing, even if you have things to get done. I wish I had days like that. But those days are the days I feel fat (I'm not saying I think I'm fat.). Even if I act like I just need to do nothing, I feel awful for sitting around not doing something productive. I wish I had more motivation actually to get off my butt and do something about it.

Obama and an awesome conservative blogger

This is one of my favorite blog posts. With Obama currently acting as "messiah-in-chief" and all of Hollywood following, this blogger is going crazy. Especially now, since he found a youtube video where people were pledging their allegiance to Obama. It sounds wonderful when you watch it. Everyone is saying they'll help the environment by driving more slowly, and that they'll help with Big Brothers Big Sisters, and more wishy-washy-lovey-dovey-help-the-environment crap. But read the comments. You'll laugh your head off.

High School Relationships

Some people say they're fun.
Some people say they're pointless.
I say they're both.
Not that I would know.
But from other people's experiences,
One can figure it out.

Mom says that when you're in college, dating is different. You don't have to give his entire family history to your parents, and you don't have a curfew. Your parents trust you enough to figure out who you can date on your own, and be smart about it. She says you might look for marriage material, but just going out for dinner with someone who you don't expect to marry is really okay.

In high school, your mom asks who he is, what extracurriculars he's involved in, what kind of grades he gets, if he has siblings, and if so, how many, if his parents are still together, does he do drugs or drink, who he's friends with, do I know him, and be back by 11:30pm sharp! (even though I'll be asleep by then...) High school relationships rarely last, but if you have the harmless type, it can be fun while it does. For everyone who told me this, I'll take your word for it.

Socks

I love socks. They're the coolest thing in the world, and by far the best present to get for your birthday or for Christmas. They can't be white, though. Those are boring. I like the fuzzy ones that warm you up, but you can't always wear those in the summer. Besides, they rarely come in cool designs. The really cool designed socks are the best. I was just at DEB today, and they had a whole rack of socks. They were normal socks, just below the ankle, not knee socks or anything. But the designs were amazing. There were some glow-in-the-dark smiley face socks, which I couldn't find the glow-in-the-dark part of it (I think maybe the outline of the face was...). There was also a pair of green/yellow striped glow-in-the-dark ones, which I almost got, then realized they were 24 cents more expensive than the normal ones. There were some awesome greenish bluish plaid socks, and some purple argyle socks. They were only $3.75 plus tax, and buy two get one free. I had enough money to buy two pair, so I got three. One pair was gray with stars in two shades of yellow, pink, and bright blue. The other pair had black toes and heels, but the entire foot was a keyboard. Though, instead of white and black, the keys were hot pink and black. They were pretty awesome. The last pair was all black except for bright pink heels and toes, and in assorted neon colors on the respective sock, they were labeled "left foot" and "right foot." This may have been to help a band member be able to tell left from right. Unfortunately, I put them on the wrong foot.

Socks are amazing.

What I don't like about Mahler

If the word "almost" was an adjective, I would use it to describe Mahler. Anything he writes, you're almost there, you're almost there, but then he backs away and you never get there.

It's as if you're running for your life and you're almost to the door where you can slam it in your pursuer's face, but you decide your legs hurt, and you stop for a rest and let yourself be killed.

It's as if you're all ready to go skydiving. You're in the plane, and have all your gear on and ready. The door opens, and you chicken out.

It's as if you're about to make it to the top of a 40ft climbing wall, and your arms begin to ache, and you decide to repel at about 38 ft, right before you're about to ring the bell at the top.

Mahler had so many places he could have gone with the music. He kept getting almost there, then instead of arriving, he decided to go somewhere else. It was so indecisive, something I cannot stand, because that is how I am. He was going back and forth between places he wanted to go, but didn't decide what to do until the end of each movement. Mahler needs to make a decision, or someone's going to have to make one for him.

Issues

I have a knack for taking on responsibilities that aren't mine. Everyone seems to turn to me for help when they have a problem. They might be a crime victim, they might be suicidal, they might be a drug addict. And yet it is me that they turn to to trust the most. Why is that? I never thought I was a good people person. I was never good in social situations. I'm the worst advice giver. I can't cry when you cry. I can't cry at all, unless I am directly affected. And that makes me feel like I don't even have a heart for other people. Yet they still turn to me to ask for advice, to look to for counsel and help. You're addicted to drugs, and telling me you're scared, telling me all these things about your life, and you expect me to help? I don't know what to do; I'm only seventeen. You attempted suicide, and it's me that you turn to when your dog dies and your mom gets cancer and your best friends ditch you. You're not my responsibility, yet I can't ditch you, too. I can't leave you to be helped by someone else. You came to me for help, and I'm going to give it. I'm just not sure how, yet.

All Alone

Well, the last sibling has left, and I am once again an only child. The whole house is to myself. This is sometimes good (when I'm having a teenage girl moment (that strangely don't happen too often with me) and don't want to talk to anyone at all) and yet sometimes bad (when there's no one to talk to in my generation). I know for sure I'm going to miss everybody (I already do), but it's kind of nice knowing that my family can go out and travel the western hemisphere and live good lives. It just makes me wonder where will I be when I leave high school? Will I get into a good college, or will I be stuck at a low-academic-standard community college that doesn't offer much? Will I get to live in Chicago when I grow up, or will I have to go where the job is? Will I earn lots of money or have to struggle to pay the rent? Will I have kids who can sit comfortably at a computer as I am now, or will I remain single all my life? I don't know where I'll be. But I sure hope I'll be as great as my siblings are now.