Being and Nothingness

WARNING: THIS POST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH JEAN PAUL SATRE. OR PHILOSOPHY AT ALL.

Ms. Stewart said in class if we finish our work, we should have something to occupy our time with, rather than just sitting there doing nothing. She can't seem to comprehend how you can actually have nothing to do. Her being a teacher, and watching my mom work, I can see where she's coming from. But she also mentioned that she knows there are days when you just have to do nothing, even if you have things to get done. I wish I had days like that. But those days are the days I feel fat (I'm not saying I think I'm fat.). Even if I act like I just need to do nothing, I feel awful for sitting around not doing something productive. I wish I had more motivation actually to get off my butt and do something about it.

Obama and an awesome conservative blogger

This is one of my favorite blog posts. With Obama currently acting as "messiah-in-chief" and all of Hollywood following, this blogger is going crazy. Especially now, since he found a youtube video where people were pledging their allegiance to Obama. It sounds wonderful when you watch it. Everyone is saying they'll help the environment by driving more slowly, and that they'll help with Big Brothers Big Sisters, and more wishy-washy-lovey-dovey-help-the-environment crap. But read the comments. You'll laugh your head off.

High School Relationships

Some people say they're fun.
Some people say they're pointless.
I say they're both.
Not that I would know.
But from other people's experiences,
One can figure it out.

Mom says that when you're in college, dating is different. You don't have to give his entire family history to your parents, and you don't have a curfew. Your parents trust you enough to figure out who you can date on your own, and be smart about it. She says you might look for marriage material, but just going out for dinner with someone who you don't expect to marry is really okay.

In high school, your mom asks who he is, what extracurriculars he's involved in, what kind of grades he gets, if he has siblings, and if so, how many, if his parents are still together, does he do drugs or drink, who he's friends with, do I know him, and be back by 11:30pm sharp! (even though I'll be asleep by then...) High school relationships rarely last, but if you have the harmless type, it can be fun while it does. For everyone who told me this, I'll take your word for it.

Socks

I love socks. They're the coolest thing in the world, and by far the best present to get for your birthday or for Christmas. They can't be white, though. Those are boring. I like the fuzzy ones that warm you up, but you can't always wear those in the summer. Besides, they rarely come in cool designs. The really cool designed socks are the best. I was just at DEB today, and they had a whole rack of socks. They were normal socks, just below the ankle, not knee socks or anything. But the designs were amazing. There were some glow-in-the-dark smiley face socks, which I couldn't find the glow-in-the-dark part of it (I think maybe the outline of the face was...). There was also a pair of green/yellow striped glow-in-the-dark ones, which I almost got, then realized they were 24 cents more expensive than the normal ones. There were some awesome greenish bluish plaid socks, and some purple argyle socks. They were only $3.75 plus tax, and buy two get one free. I had enough money to buy two pair, so I got three. One pair was gray with stars in two shades of yellow, pink, and bright blue. The other pair had black toes and heels, but the entire foot was a keyboard. Though, instead of white and black, the keys were hot pink and black. They were pretty awesome. The last pair was all black except for bright pink heels and toes, and in assorted neon colors on the respective sock, they were labeled "left foot" and "right foot." This may have been to help a band member be able to tell left from right. Unfortunately, I put them on the wrong foot.

Socks are amazing.

What I don't like about Mahler

If the word "almost" was an adjective, I would use it to describe Mahler. Anything he writes, you're almost there, you're almost there, but then he backs away and you never get there.

It's as if you're running for your life and you're almost to the door where you can slam it in your pursuer's face, but you decide your legs hurt, and you stop for a rest and let yourself be killed.

It's as if you're all ready to go skydiving. You're in the plane, and have all your gear on and ready. The door opens, and you chicken out.

It's as if you're about to make it to the top of a 40ft climbing wall, and your arms begin to ache, and you decide to repel at about 38 ft, right before you're about to ring the bell at the top.

Mahler had so many places he could have gone with the music. He kept getting almost there, then instead of arriving, he decided to go somewhere else. It was so indecisive, something I cannot stand, because that is how I am. He was going back and forth between places he wanted to go, but didn't decide what to do until the end of each movement. Mahler needs to make a decision, or someone's going to have to make one for him.

Issues

I have a knack for taking on responsibilities that aren't mine. Everyone seems to turn to me for help when they have a problem. They might be a crime victim, they might be suicidal, they might be a drug addict. And yet it is me that they turn to to trust the most. Why is that? I never thought I was a good people person. I was never good in social situations. I'm the worst advice giver. I can't cry when you cry. I can't cry at all, unless I am directly affected. And that makes me feel like I don't even have a heart for other people. Yet they still turn to me to ask for advice, to look to for counsel and help. You're addicted to drugs, and telling me you're scared, telling me all these things about your life, and you expect me to help? I don't know what to do; I'm only seventeen. You attempted suicide, and it's me that you turn to when your dog dies and your mom gets cancer and your best friends ditch you. You're not my responsibility, yet I can't ditch you, too. I can't leave you to be helped by someone else. You came to me for help, and I'm going to give it. I'm just not sure how, yet.

All Alone

Well, the last sibling has left, and I am once again an only child. The whole house is to myself. This is sometimes good (when I'm having a teenage girl moment (that strangely don't happen too often with me) and don't want to talk to anyone at all) and yet sometimes bad (when there's no one to talk to in my generation). I know for sure I'm going to miss everybody (I already do), but it's kind of nice knowing that my family can go out and travel the western hemisphere and live good lives. It just makes me wonder where will I be when I leave high school? Will I get into a good college, or will I be stuck at a low-academic-standard community college that doesn't offer much? Will I get to live in Chicago when I grow up, or will I have to go where the job is? Will I earn lots of money or have to struggle to pay the rent? Will I have kids who can sit comfortably at a computer as I am now, or will I remain single all my life? I don't know where I'll be. But I sure hope I'll be as great as my siblings are now.

What I learned in government class

Today in government class, we were discussing the powers of the executive branch, when the teacher asked us who has seen the comparisons made of Kennedy and Lincoln. Of course, the one person who knows everything about anything having to do with government (or so he says) was the only one who had. Here are some freaky coincidences...

Their work, families, and other randomness:

• Both worked with the Civil Rights movement.
• Both ordered the treasury to print its own money.
• Both were loved by the common people and hated by the establishment.
• Their wives both "tastefully and expensively" redecorated the White House.
• Both loved great literature and could recite poetry by heart.
• Both had young children while living in the White House.
• Both lost a child while president.
• Both let their children run and play in the oval office.
• Both were famous for their wit and telling stories and anecdotes.
• Both went to war shortly after their inaugurations.

• Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
• Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946

• Lincoln was elected to the presidency in 1860
• Kennedy was elected to the presidency in 1960

• Lincoln had a secratery named Kennedy
• Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln

• Lincoln's name has seven letters, and are ordered consonant, vowel, consonant, consonant,vowel, consonant, consonant,
• Kenedy's name has seven letters and are ordered consonant, vowel, consonant, consonant,vowel, consonant, consonant,

• Lincoln's son was the Ambassador to England at the Court of Saint James
• Kennedy's father was the Ambassador to England at the Court of Saint James

• Lincoln's sons rode their ponies on the White House grounds
• Kennedy's daughter rode her pony on the White House grounds

• Lincoln had two sons named Robert and Edward. Edward died young and Robert lived on.
• Kennedy had two brothers named Robert and Edward. Robert died young and Edward lived on.

Assassinations:

• Both were shot on a Friday
• Both wives held their heads in their laps after being shot
• Both presidents' bodyguards were away from their posts when the presidents were shot
• Both assassins had a three-word name, each with 15 letters (John Wilkes Botth, Lee Harvey Oswald)
  
• Neither died immediately after being shot
• Both assassins were shot and killed before going to trial
• Abraham was the first name of the man who filmed Kennedy's assassination
• Both seats they were sitting in when shot are in Ford's museum
• Both were sitting beside their wives when shot

• Lincoln was shot in a theater named Ford
• Kennedy was shot in a car named Lincoln BY Ford

• Lincoln was shot in a theater, and the assassin ran into a warehouse
• Kennedy was shot from a warehouse, and the assassin ran to a theater

• John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839
• Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939

• Lincoln died in Peterson's House (PH)
• Kennedy died in Parkland Hospital (PH)

• Days before it happened, Lincoln told his wife and friends about a dream he'd had about being assassinated.
• Hours before it happened, Kennedy told his wife that it would be easy to be shot from a crowd.

• Shortly after Lincoln was shot, the telegraph system went down.
• Shortly after Kennedy was shot, the telephone system went down.

• Rathbone, who was with Lincoln when he was shot, was injured.
• Connally, who was with Kennedy when he was shot, was injured.

• Connally and Rathbone both have 8 letters

Successors:

• Both were succeeded by Vice President Johnson (Andrew and Lyndon)
• Both Johnsons have the same number of letters in their first and last names
• Both Johnsons were heavy drinkers with crude behavior
  

• Andrew Johnson was born in 1808
• Lyndon Johnson was born in 1908

• There were conspiracy theories that Andrew Johnson knew something about Lincoln's assassination.
• There were conspiracy theories that Lyndon Johnson knew something about Kennedy's assassination.
  

Drama

My best friend once told me that her sister likes to create drama when she's bored. I think this is true of many girls. There was a party last night for a bunch of wind ensemble people, and we were having a great time until the drama showed up. We were all at assorted times playing the Nintendo Wii and socializing on the couch. Groups of two kept sneaking into the kitchen to gossip, and I was left out of it, meaning I was the one being talked about. I really don't mind being gossiped about, but I wanted to know what they were saying. The evening unfolded. The first girl left with a hug and some whispers kept below hearing range of the parents. One girl left in tears, thinking the entire gossip circle was all her fault. She thought everyone was mad at her. No one was. I was begged to stay an extra ten minutes so I wouldn't leave the drama and the host alone. In a rush, I had to go, but the drama followed. I was flamed with messages, saying "Don't be mad at me!" and "I still love you and I'm sorry!" and anything else that one could imagine.

What happened, one asks? What caused all this drama? Absolutely nothing. Nothing changed from before and after the party. The only result was people not being mad at people who were not mad at them, but everyone thinking everyone is mad at everyone. Aren't girls just wonderful?

What I love about the FIM

There's something wonderful about the FIM. Every now and then I go there to do my homework and it is very relaxing. It is quiet, but not the forced silence of the library. There is no incessant ticking of a fan or a clock, and there is a certain joy felt in the air by the 6-year old cello players who are learning everything there is to know, by the teenaged flutists who grew up in the building and have a sophisticated aura about them, and by the male ballet students, who say hello to you, even if you don't notice them at first.

Although there is free wireless internet in the atrium for those who so choose to use it, my lack of a laptop helps me study thoroghly and without the distractions of mindless television, computer games or socializing (Mindless socializing is possible with my cell phone, but with my 10¢ text messaging, limited minutes, and the fact that nobody calls me anyway, this proves benign.).

Even if my homework and studying is done, I love to sit there and watch people go by. Sometimes, the private teachers will walk through, discussing students or possible concerti they will be performing with one of the larger ensembles. Often, I see students going to and from various lessons, driving themselves or being picked up and dropped off, minds focused on the music they are learning. Occasionally, a young mother waits with her toddler while another child is in his lesson; she reads to her youngest, or gives a detailed explanation of what music is and why this toddler's brother needs to learn it and can I learn music when I'm six?

I can't explain everything I love about the FIM. I've expressed what I can in words, but what can't be told here can be heard in the music there.